Today marks 2 weeks on T. I can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks, but I’m excited and still feeling awesome, so I’m hoping in another 2 weeks, I’m still feeling awesome.
This past weeks highlights include:
- Had spring break.
- Watched a ton of movies with my boyfriend.
- Went out to dinner with him and his mother on Wednesday for his birthday (more on that one later).
- Procrastinating on writing a short story for my writing class (I have 2 days left to submit it and I have nothing).
- Easter with my boyfriend (more on this one later, too).
This weeks highlights include:
- Meeting with my college advisor to see if I can transfer and not be screwed over, because my Mom is kind of okay with me moving out, and we’re all kind of uncomfortable about things, so I might be moving out in August like I thought.
- Registering for summer classes.
- Job orientation on Saturday morning at 8am.
- Post op with my doctor tomorrow to make sure that surgery was effective and the stuff that caused my tumor last year and almost this year stayed gone. I didn’t have a tumor this time, but it was headed that way, so that’s why I had my remaining ovary and my gallbladder taken out on the 5th of March.
So, updates on boyfriend stuff because it affects my life and ugh I know my parents are trying. But here we go.
So Wednesday was his birthday, and he spent the day at my house and we watched a ton of Disney movies and just kind of hung out and I took him out to lunch (Taco Bell, which is a thing of ours). But he knew he had to be home at 7 for dinner, so I dropped him off. Well, I was attempting to leave when he runs out of the house and says you are invited to dinner. So I asked him if he wanted me there, because we had kind of talked about it, and we’ve only been together for 2 months this Wednesday, so we weren’t sure if we should have me at his birthday dinner. Especially when his Mom still calls him his birth name and gets hurt when other people (i.e ME) call him his preferred name but he decided he wanted me there. So I told my Mom that I wouldn’t be home for dinner and she told me to play nice with the other kids in the sandbox. READ: DO NOT MAKE A FUSS WHEN SHE MISGENDERS YOU OR YOUR BOYFRIEND.
So we decided to drive over in my car and both collectively freaked the heck out. What do I call you at dinner? Because I know you are this person, but I want your Mom to like me and I don’t want to start a fight at Red Lobster. But this is your gender and I totally respect your gender. So it resulted in a lot of gender neutral pronouns and not using any name.
His Mom calls me Blake because she doesn’t know what my birth name is. But we got through it. It was awkward though at the point when they brought out his birthday treat and asked him what his name was. I could see him wanting to say Theo so bad and I just wanted him to, but I knew it wasn’t my place. But I could see that he was dying to say it but he looked at me and then he looked at his Mom and said his birth name and I didn’t sing. I didn’t sing because I knew he was freaking embarassed and because he is not Grace and he has never been Grace. But only he noticed I didn’t sing and it wasn’t a big deal.
But I recognized that look because I have had that look a thousand times in the 14 months that I’ve been out. Like at my birthday this year, we went to Red Robin (my parents and I) and I got a sundae and they kept saying my name is Trish and I wanted to go home and cry because all I wanted for my birthday was for my gender to be accepted.
But we survived dinner. We were leaving and he was walking me to my car and I said okay we are still alive, but how hard is it for the universe to understand we are boys? And he apologized to me for his mother for her calling me a girl the entire time, and I said at least she uses my name. But his Mom was kind of waiting so I hugged him and he kissed me and said it’s my birthday, she can deal with it.
Because she believes that gays are destroying the world. She hasn’t officially said that, but basically has.
Which brings me to Easter. I’m thinking I’ve totally blown it at dinner, right? Well Saturday was his mothers birthday, so he told me that he had to spend the day with her, but that he could spend the night at my house and I could get him that night and then he had to be home by 6pm on Sunday for dinner with his family. I picked him up and I knew my Dad was upset by it. Which is stupid because my sisters boyfriend lived with us last summer and it was no big deal.
Before I left, he made the comment, I remember when you dated boys. To which I tried not to yell, he is my boyfriend. We are boys. He is a boy. I am dating a boy. I left and picked him up and it was fine. We ended up running to Walmart at midnight because we wanted mac and cheese while we were watching a movie which was a big mistake because it was like the zombie apocolypse in there but we got our mac and cheese and finished Easy A, started another movie, and fell asleep. Which is where I thought I would be in trouble. Because there was my boyfriend in my room all night. But I didn’t. We woke up at noon. I thought oh gosh I am going to be in major trouble and my Dad isn’t exactly throwing me a party for dating you in general (my Dad’s preference would be straight cis male, ie not trans* boy). But they were outside, and I stopped because on the counter were two Easter baskets, one for me, one for Theo.
So I said I’ll be right back and I left and asked my Mom what was up and wanted to know if they were going to kill me for the sleepover. He was supposed to stay in the guest room. Anyway, she said that’s for you and your boyfriend. So we went inside and had all the candy and watched another movie but left to take him home and it was tornado weather outside. He was in the process of saying goodbye when his Mom runs out and said did you get my text because Blake is invited for dinner.
So he said okay please stay for dinner because you are like, my ally, and I want you to meet my brother, so I called home and said sorry I won’t be home for dinner but I’ll be home tonight and I’ll see you later.
We ended up playing board games while waiting for dinner, just the two of us, and it was fun. The thing I love the most about my boyfriend, I think, is just how much we have in common. Because we can play Uno for 3 hours and have it be totally fun. So we survived another family dinner, and his brother asked me a few questions, like where I was from, because I don’t sound southern and Theo said he’s a Yankee and I said shut up okay gosh no pop for you. But I survived and we played Uno with his Mom and it was good and I went home but his Mom said come back over for Christmas and I’ll make more food.
So for me thinking they didn’t like me (okay, they wish I was a “real boy”) I was invited back for Christmas. I asked Theo about it, and he said, you don’t realize how in love we are and how obvious it is because we are too busy being in love with each other. I said, I thought I toned that down in front of people. Apparently, we are nauseating.
So it’s apparently obvious that I should be there for Christmas. She called me she the entire time. But I kept thinking that this kid is so worth it and even when I’m being misgendered constantly, and people mess up my name on a daily basis, there’s this boy going through the same thing, and he makes me insanely happy, even when being referred to as a she. So he makes me feel better about it.
Sorry for the massive update today, but there is some insight on what happens when two trans* people start dating and have family dinners. All the awkwardness.
I’ll just say one more thing. You hear all the time that having someone date you is basically a charity. Like, I’m doing you this huge favor by dating you because you are in the process of changing your gender. With Theo, there is absolutely none of that. And it’s not like we are dating because we are trans* and that’s what we have in common. No, we are dating because we have like, everything in common, and he knows his Shakespeare (another joke of ours) and because it’s not a charity to date someone like us. But I didn’t think I would ever find someone who understood that, so I’m happy and can put up with more awkward family dinners at Christmas, assuming we are still together.
I will probably update next week on Monday. Take care.