4 months.

Monday was 4 months on T for me.  It’s been exciting.  I had to refill my last vile of T before I go make the 3 hour drive to Raleigh to get my labs checked again, and then hopefully, my dosage upped.  I’m on the lowest level right now.  I get 25ml of T injected weekly.  A biological male makes 80.  If my labs are good and I’m not moving to London (still don’t know about this one, results are posted tomorrow) then my therapist will up my dosage.  I also should hear back from UNCG shortly.  If I get into both universities, I’m not sure what I will be doing.  I will probably go to UNCG because it is close to home and I won’t mess up my transition.  But I also want to go to London so badly.  So we’ll see what happens.  I know I’ve gone back and forth on it for months, and that reason has been my health, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up in case I don’t get in.  As for health, we’ve figured out if I follow my diet, I’m fine.  If I eat mostly vegan and gluten free, I’m fine.  If I eat dairy, I get sick.  If I eat chicken or beef, I get really sick for the day.  So, if I follow my diet, I’m fine.

Anyway, I’ve made some changes in the 4 months on T.  These are the highlights.

  • For the first time in my life, I actually have a sex drive.  I don’t do anything about it.  Sex makes me very uncomfortable, with myself, or otherwise.  My body just freaks me out and I don’t want to be touched.  But they were not even joking when they said that testosterone gives you a libido.
  • I feel my cycle now.  I do shots on Mondays.  Saturday and Sundays I feel kind of lethargic and tired.  I also feel more anxious.  I just want it to be Monday.  You can feel the hormones go in and you can feel it kick in.  After shots, I’m filled with energy and I just want to work out.  My anxiety is lower after a shot, too.
  • I use way more deodorant than I’ve ever had to.  You just smell more.  Plus, I can’t describe it properly, but your smell changes.
  • I had to start using acne cream.
  • My voice is significantly lower.  For evidence of this, check out my videos.  There’s a link on my main page.
  • I started shaving my face.  That is the only part of my body I am comfortable shaving.
  • I’ve gotten even more hairy.  My face, my legs, my arms, my stomach, my chest.
  • Running/working out has gotten easier.  I’m sure I’ve gotten stronger.
  • I’m hungry all the time.
  • I’ve actually lost weight though.

Last night my Mom and I were talking about London because results are posted at midnight in London, meaning tonight at 7pm, I should get them. And she asked me if I would stay on T over there or what I would do, and I said I’ll have a 3 month prescription in August. I’d move on 24 September, so I’d have until November to find a doctor.  I pay 7$ a month for my hormones.  I also said that the university has a clinic and they offer transgender services, so that’s an option.  But then she said, you know your passport doesn’t match a female identity and I said yeah, I’m aware that I’m not read as feminine a majority of the time.  There have been two times that I’ve flown since I came out a year and a half ago, and both times I had to explain myself.  I said that the university is aware of my trans* status, and said to have a doctor write a letter explaining it. I also have to have letters for my medication anyway.  I have to go through customs so if I have needles and testosterone, I have to have my prescription and all of that with me.  This is one of the reasons I might just go to UNCG if I get in because then I just drive 45 minutes to get hormones and 3 hours for therapy, and 2 hours to go home.

Plus, a lot of UNCG English majors go to England for grad school, and study abroad.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.  But we’ll figure it out.  I have a lot of things to consider.  My Mom has also looked into updating my passport picture because it doesn’t match.  I got my passport at sixteen, and I’m almost twenty-three.  So clearly a lot has changed since then.

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