I follow a page for ftm’s on instagram. They said hey there is a new trans page and you should go look at them. I usually do. It was for trans couples. Then I went and liked one of their pictures. It had said that this was for the trans community because a lot of pages seem to be LGBT but mostly LG and sometimes B. There’s a post right now going around about whether or not trans people belong in the queer community. I want to scream, do you not remember Stonewall? That was a lot of pissed off drag queens and trans women and bisexuals (people the modern movement have repeatedly thrown under the bus) with nothing left to lose. Stonewall is seen as the starting of the queer movement. Then it said this is for ftm’s and mtf’s only. So my friend and I asked about non-binary people. They said at this time they would not be having non-binary people because this is for “transexuals, ftms and mtfs, there’s already a lot of support for non binary people.”
My friend and I commented that this is wrong. Non binary people are not readily supported, on either end. My friend and I both use male pronouns. We are on T. We plan on having top surgery. But we are more androgynous. My friend doesn’t identify as ftm. They identify as agender with male pronouns. I don’t feel that ftm fits me the way it used to, either. I’ll get to that in a minute.
The person came back with well I’m an activist and I’ve been doing a lot of trans activism. We don’t mean to make you feel like we are throwing you under the bus, but this is for transexuals. Ftms and mtfs that are having surgery. There’s so much stigma on being transexual and we feel that people are ashamed to identify as transexual. This is for people that felt wrong in their bodies and started to transition, and for their partners.
I responded with it doesn’t matter if you claim to be an activist if you are still willingly excluding members of the community. We already feel excluded elsewhere. Also, why would you want to perpetrate the idea that the way I was made was wrong and I need to hate my body so that I’m trans enough? That’s disgusting. This is the body I was given. Why would I willingly hate it?
I’ve been out for 2 years on the 19th. I’ve been living as male for 2 years, but on male hormones for 11 months tomorrow. And I did that whole I feel bad in my body this isn’t right thing until I got on hormones. I said things like I’m really masculine. I still do this. On days I see my hormone therapist I dress traditionally masculine. If you see me most days I’m wearing more androgynous clothing. But I don’t want people to say I’m not really trans and take away my hormones. I paint my nails. I do things feminine. I over-compensated for about a year and hyper masculinated myself because I wanted to be taken serious in my maleness. I feel like I’m more boi than boy. I have discussed this with my therapist, not my hormone doctor. I have talked to my mother. She asked me what my pronouns are. She has asked me if I’m genderqueer. I said I’m still male. I’m just a fluid in my masculinity.
I’m a boi. I use male pronouns. But I don’t feel I fit in the binary, either.
We tell cis people to stop policing trans people, then we go and police other trans people. We tell non binary people time and time again that they aren’t trans enough. Gender is fluid. Sexuality is fluid. It’s okay. You might have known your entire life you were trans. That’s okay. You might not have. You are still trans enough. You might fit in the binary, and you might not. You might have days where you can’t stand your body. That’s okay. It happens. It’s not okay when you let it hindrance your life. It’s not okay when you tell others that if they don’t hate their bodies too, they aren’t really trans.
We have to stop throwing members of our community under the bus, in an effort to feel more in step with society. It’s like, sometimes I hear, as a queer person, as a bi umbrella’d person, that we’ll come back for you. You make us look bad. Pick a gender. Pick an orientation. You make us look bad. You aren’t helping us win marriage equality. To that I want to say, yes, marriage is important, no it isn’t everything.
Why don’t we talk about the high violence against trans people? Why don’t we talk about the fact that many of us don’t graduate from higher education. That we don’t have jobs. That we don’t have housing. The substance abuse? Why are we policing others so much? Don’t we want the rest of the world to back off? So why is it okay to say to someone that they aren’t enough? Why is it okay to perpetuate the idea that you have to hate yourself? That’s another reason I’m so angry when people say T needs to be out of LGB. It’s a separate but equal struggle. Isn’t that what they told people of colour after reconstruction? It’s another way to intentionally divide us so we don’t combat all the issues and struggles we have. Also, a lot of trans people are queer, so we get both sides and we don’t know where to stand. That’s another reason we need intersectionality. We need to stop dividing. We need to stop perpetuating hate, especially to members of the community.
To me, transitioning is a radical act of self love. I am saying that I don’t fit into the arbitrary standards, and that’s okay. I don’t fit anyone’s standards but my own. When we police other trans people, we make it okay for others to police us. It’s gross. It’s sad. It’s dangerous. It needs to stop.
For the record, cutesttranscouples is pretty adorable, and they don’t police trans people.